:: The Car Lot ::

Friday, April 07, 2006

Wandering
It was too early for anything but going back to sleep. I had always gotten up real early after a late night. Leslie was barely awake so I told her I'd just be walking out on the shore. We'd have breakfast when I got back. I grabbed my Zen Vision and Bob Marley was singin' to my soul man. He took me to station 2 where ACDC was up. I trudged on the sand strengthening the medial arches of my feet, digging my toes into the white powdery sand. Pondering on where I was in my life. How much I had accomplished, how much work I still had in front of me. And more importantly how I would go about it. How I would soon be responsible for many people, most of whom I loved, and many things. The safety net was coming off. Before the fear and uncertainty set in, I was excited. I was getting older, and I had to grow up once more. My plan to work overseas would probably push through sooner than expected, but a lot later than I had planned. In any case, I had, we had wasted too much time to waste anymore. A surgery residency is something I had planned to do and an opportunity is presenting itself and I think its worth a shot. You know what they say you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. It wouldn't pay much but it would pay more than the job I have now, which is nothing. Some would argue that I didn't need the money and that starting a residency would be more costly, moving forward is never a bad thing. I selected "Because Of You" by Kelly Clarkson and one line almost brought me to tears. ..."I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes". More than any person who mattered to me I thought of my dad. How hard he had been on me, on us. How hard it was to love him. How easy it was to miss him, and wish that I was on some obscure island in Papua New Guinea instead of a dormitory in Ateneo. He brought out the best in people and when he couldn't, he demanded it. There were no excuses, no reasons, just results. Yet he understood, that people fail, and people fall. He knew how to pick us up, with his callused,firm hands he'd help us up everytime. Even when a volcano had seemingly taken everything we had. Everything that he and my mum had sacrificed and worked for. He also believed that everything could be taught, learned, worked for. And in times when you did succeed he'd turn the volume way up on his favourite CD and shout out his joy. He didn't want you to hear how hard he was screaming, he wanted you to hear the music, because it was your time, and he didn't want to take any part of it away from you. All that from American Idol, who knew. I was at Willy's Rock now and I waited for a couple to finish praying before I climbed the steps. I prayed for the same things, the same people, the same aspirations, the same dreams. Maybe God was a little tired too and was vacationing in Boracay like us. Maybe this time I'd prayed a litle harder, a bit more sincere. Maybe this time He'd listen just a little closer. I climbed down and John Mayer was up next. I rounded the point just to glance the Boracay Terraces on the other side, it was almost 8am and I had to make my way back. John Mayer take me home. There was a lot to think about but ironically only one thing to do, and that was to walk back home where my baby was waiting. There was a clarity that morning that the sunrise on the other side of the island had enlightened. As Mother Theresa once said, "I knew where I should be, but I did not know how to get there." I can only guess how She got to where She wanted to be, but I'm sure during those times when She didn't, I bet She just kept on moving. We took Jian with us to breakfast who was in the other room playing by himself while his dad slept. That was a good morning.

Dr. Jayson Arellano Left the Car Lot @ 8:08 PM

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